Kalau la...

MY HUMBLE COTTAGE

I would love to be a full-time housewife. My home would be squeaky clean! I can cook for my family, will send and fetch my daughter from school. I can really monitor her progress in school. I do not have to worry about tons and tons of panitia files, buddy support system files, spbt files, i do not have to mark students' essays. No need to nag them about the importance of learning the language ( sounds familiar?). Do not have to deal with school politics, PTK, kerani yang kerek etc etc.... Well, I don't know whether it will come true but maybe one day, Allah will grant my wish.. For the time being, pi la sekolah Shahid... hee..he...

Mak Yang Sedih..

Have u ever felt that everything that u do is not suffice when it comes to your daughter? I bet my life that every mom in this world wants the best for their kids. It's a school holiday now so Adia couldn't attend her mengaji class in Kulim. I decided to send her to a Qiraati class nearby for the next 6 weeks. My Adia... it's very difficult for her to make new friends. All this while she's been alone. Anak tunggal kan. But she's a very good and faithful friend, bukan nak puji anak but this comes from her friends' statement tp nak mula kawan tu memang difficult for her. She's very shy.
This morning she started her Qiraati session here in Desa Aman. First I promised to wait outside the class but I decided to go to my friend's house nearby. When I drove away, I glanced at her. There she was, sitting quietly away from the rest. Kesiannya..... I felt like crying, no..no.. bukan felt lagi dah..I cried.!Teruk kan. But that's for her own good, rite? I felt helpless but I know that I have be strong for her. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. InsyaAllah....

MAK

She's almost 75 now but can be so stubborn from time to time. My hubby would agree that I got that trait from her. I love her to death. All this while I assumed she has a good and blessed live with my dad but one small incident recently shows the opposite. Now I'm wondering whether she truly loves him. They have spent almost 60+ of years together, shared ups and downs together, keeping each other's secrets from the rest of the world. I do not know what to call it if that is NOT love! Maybe as they grow old, they change and love fades....God forbids! But she is now showing signs that she loathes him and can't stand to be near him at all. Pity my dad! Maybe once upon a time ago he did something that really pissed her of, who knows, and she didn't want to forgive him or maybe it's just a sign that they are growing old or they are becoming senile. Whatever it is, I hope the love is there to stay.

SABRINA ADIA

MY SABRINA ADIA


That was the name that i chose looong before i got married. adia was taken from sarah mclachlan's song title ADIA. it sounded nice so i kinda "chop" it when i told my dear friend ct about it. And in addition to that, while i was doing my teaching practical somewhere in Beranang in 1996-1997, there was this girl, Nuradya Bt. Nik Mat. she was the brightest girl in the class, so apa lagi, adia was actually stuck in my mind like forever! Later, i found out ADIA derived from an African name which carries the meaning "the gift".
She was born on 9th June 2000 at 7.32 p.m after much complications ( i ain't complaining ya). from that moment on, i got myself ADIA. Only God knows how much i love her and i'm kinda wondering whether she realises that i love her dearly.. She's 8 now and being the only child in my life, i would do anything for her, i would kill for her! i pray for her health and for her safety.. Ya Allah, do not let anything bad happen to my precious...
She always complaints that i'm a strict mum, more garang compared to her dad. once she said that mak garang infinity! well, i know i am but can't help it. i believe that that would make her strong. i always emphasis that if i scold her there must be something wrong that she does. i'm kinda instil that in her mind...i do not know whether i'm doing the right thing but i sure am trying really hard to be a good mum.
This morning before going out to work, she asked me if she could eat something for breakfast, i think it was a red bean bun and i said yes. come to think of it, she didn't have to ask permission to EAT! That makes me sick in my stomach! My daughter is asking for permission to take her breakfast and what does that show you? She's scared of me! I do not want my daughter to feel that way!Sorry Adia, mak will try to treat you better in the future...

welcoming myself

i've always wanted my own blog but too scared to try.. but today, 4.11.2008 i'm brave enough to publish my first entry. there's nothing much to be said actually but to tell you the truth back in the 90s i used to keep a journal. i poured myself inside out via the journal. unfortunately i lost it! all of my dark, darker,darkest secrets were there! sampai la tak jumpa....

so this is my first entry for now. we'll see what will happen next... ya